SEX & INTIMACY THERAPY
Individual Sex Therapy & Couples Sex Therapy
BECOME MORE AT HOME IN YOURSELF.
CREATE A DESIRE BASED RELATIONSHIP.
SPEAK WITH OPEN INVESTMENT AND KIND HONESTY.
LET GO OF RESENTMENT AND PUT ENERGY TOWARDS SOMETHING BETTER.
LEARN HOW TO SPEAK OPENLY FROM THE HEART ABOUT SEX.
LEARN HOW TO GET OUT OF OBLIGATION AND NEEDY SEX.
HEAL FROM SEXUAL PAIN AND MANAGE SEXUAL DYSFUNCTIONS WITH MATURITY.
Jamie Abenroth is accepting new individual and couples clients. You may contact her at: jamie@jamieabenroth.com
Jamie Abenroth is a therapist who helps individuals and couples understand the ecosystems they’re creating that are undesirable and moves couples into frames of meaning that are desire-filled: having a sense of self, being in alignment with what matters to you, challenging yourself to take in goodness and pleasure about yourself. To schedule a session with Jamie, you can reach out to her at: jamie@jamieabenroth.com.
When you challenge yourself in a good way in your sexuality, you grow yourself up systemically.
And when you take on and mature yourself honestly in your sexual relationship, you grow systemically. For example when you start refusing to move forward with sex where you’re checked out, or you refuse sex that is obligation-based you push your individual development, you set the stage to create something really worth wanting - invested, present . When you require more of yourself, this also pushes on your partner’s development, even though you aren’t telling them what to choose. You’re a system, and so if you change, you change the dynamic. Change your sex life honestly and maturely, and you’ll change the way you exist in the world. That’s why sex therapy is systemic individual therapy and systemic couples therapy.
To dive in you can reach out to Jamie Abenroth, CST, LPCC at: jamie@jamieabenroth.com to set up an online appointment to become clear, to grow and to begin living into an intimate sexual relationship really worth wanting.
I help individuals and couples be collaboratively honest with themselves and their partners, which increases intimacy and drives freedom and desire.
Your biggest sexual organ is YOUR BRAIN and STATE OF MIND. The meaning in your mind creates the desirability of the physical-emotional-mental sexual experience you create.
What are you tracking in your partner’s mind while having sex or avoiding sex? What are they tracking in your mind? This is real sexual intimacy - the brain, mind, heart and body getting real and aligning.
Your biggest sexual organ isn’t likely the one that first comes to mind. YOUR BRAIN or STATE OF MIND is your biggest sexual organ. It’s where all the meaning is conveyed between people. Do you really want to be there? Do you see that your partner is checked out or asking you to hurry, or is disinterested and disengaged? If you keep going, both you and your partner can track both of your states of mind. And when you look at it honestly, it isn’t a very attractive dynamic. Your state of mind has a bigger impact that the normal stuff of sex - sometimes something doesn’t feel good, or something is painful, or something doesn’t smell or taste good, or something doesn’t work. All that stuff isn’t such a big deal when handled with maturity, which is you being a deep, good friend. But your brain and state of mind can absolutely make some of these normal things that occur in an intimate relationship into tidal waves of emotion and reactivity. Avoidance can be reactivity too. Sex can become fraught. Getting a grip on yourself, your emotions, the meanings, and handling yourself collaboratively can settle things down and move them in a productive way.
If you feel shame, discomfort, embarrassment, or at a loss with your own sexuality, I’m here to be a supportive professional to help you get the assistance you need to get clear, grounded, practical and to offer you the validation and reassurance that you are completely normal. When you can be grounded in you are totally normal, you can use your energy in a way to not hide, to be open and consider new ways of moving forward in your development. I often work with people in their 20s, 30s, 40, 50s, 60s and 70s - as sexual development is about personal development and maturity and knowing how to love well from your heart - which includes valuing, trusting and loving yourself well. I meet with some clients a couple sessions and others for long-term work.
Sex & Intimacy Therapy for Individuals & Couples.
Your brain, your body, your heart, your emotions, your spiritual self, the meanings you attribute to behaviors - all of these are a part of you - and they all shape how you experience and participate in being an embodied, sexual, sensing being. Being open in a sexual relationship is one of the best gifts of life because you are experiencing and being experienced by another human that matters to you. At it’s best, it’s one of the most personal and intimate things two people can do. There’s lots of good reasons why sex doesn’t feel like a gift to people - and we need to look at how you’re thinking about it and what you’re doing to free you up to have an open, collaborative stance. This doesn’t mean doing things you don’t want to do - quite the opposite. It means owning yourself, listening to your own wisdom and making choices that are in alignment with the most solid version of yourself. Sex is a microcosm of larger patterns and themes in your life. When you grow your whole person up inside the bedroom (or whatever location you prefer), you grow yourself up outside the bedroom.
Sex is about freedom, honesty, connection and pleasure. When it’s at it’s best, two mature people lean in to creating goodness, kindness, honesty, pleasure, passion, and play with each other. When sex becomes managing your partner, obligation-filled, feeling overwhelmingly disappointing or stressful, or you feel like something is wrong with you or your partner - it’s time for a Professional, Board Certified, AASECT Sex Therapist to help you see the underlying dynamics so you can get busy moving in a productive way. I’m Jamie Abenroth and I’m a professionally trained therapist who is here to help. You can begin your journey by contacting me at: jamie@jamieabenroth.com
Let’s Look At the Deeper Meanings You’re Creating.
You can completely shift your sexual relationship into something life-giving, generous, honest, tender and playful by looking and understanding what you’re creating. Growing requires development on your side and to take the pressure of your partner and their choices. You keep your attention on what you’re building and how you’re handling yourself in a collaborative way.
I help you understand underlying dynamics with clarity so that you can decide who you want to be and show up aligned with those values. You may be thinking about what’s going on between the two of you from the wrong frame of understanding, which is impeding doing something productive about it. I show you how to be a teammate - and this stance you can do all by yourself. You don’t need a willing partner. You can mature yourself right up to change the dynamics you don’t like.
Sex therapy is talking honestly about the real things you think, feel, and do with a partner. There’s a lot of amazing information we can get by taking a look together. Tolerating the stress and anxiety of talking about it openly is part of the maturing process for yourself and being able to do that in a calm and invested way with your partner is also a huge growth opportunity.
I’ll help you think about what’s going on with new meaning frames and be able to handle yourself in conversations in a productive way. If any of these sound like you or a partner, things can change in a good direction:
Good Sex Requires Examining What You’ve Been Creating.
I don’t like sex. What is wrong with me? (Guess what? You’re not broken at all. There’s always good reasons why you don’t like the kind of sex you’ve had previously or even why you don’t want to have sex now. I help you clarify what exactly it is that you don’t like and help you become the kind of person who can speak honestly and hang in there with courage to create something more meaningful to you.)
I feel pressured to have sex. (Guess what? The lower desire partner always feels pressure, because it’s a system. But that’s different than being guilted, manipulated, or internally feeling like a failure for not wanting sex. I help you find the clarity to move forward in a positive way.)
Sex feels like an obligation to meet my partner’s sexual needs. (Guess what? Partners who use “needs” to talk about sex set up an obligation dynamic, which is deeply unsatisfying. If your partner has a need it’s implied you are obligated to provide it. Guess what kills desire? Not having freedom to choose. And if you are obligated, there is no freedom. Where there is no freedom, there is no)
I feel used. (Guess what? When you self-abandon (meaning do things that don’t feel right to you) you may feel used. I can help by looking at ways you move forward in a dynamic where you are leaving your intuition and knowing behind. What is your intuition saying to you, what are you sensing? Let’s take a look to see where you can stay true to yourself and invest in intimacy worth wanting.
I feel rejected all the time and hurt. (Guess what? Relying on your partner to feel validated as a good, desirable or worthy person is not their responsibility. You’ve got to get these things from yourself and not be dependent on them to build you up. Of course it’s wonderful if your partner out of their own freedom and desire wants to engage sexually, but it’s the dependency that will actually push your partner to manage you or care-take you rather than really want you. I can help you learn how to handle yourself and advocate for a desire based relationship.)
I can tell my partner isn’t there with me when we have sex. (Guess what? Have you ever openly and as a good friend asked your partner what they’re thinking in the moment? What about pausing and making extended eye contact. What do you honestly see, feel and know? If you move forward with non-intimate sex, is this actually good for you? Not if you’re wanting to connect with your partner. Sometimes bad sex needs to completely stop in order to bring something more honest and genuine into it. I can help you think through it and step in.)
I get very moody when my partner says no to sex. (Guess what? You’re an adult and in charge of managing your emotions. While it doesn’t feel good when your partner turns you down for sex, when you punish them emotionally with your moods, you are pulling for an obligation based relationship where your partner manages you. Becoming more mature means regulating yourself better and giving your partner the freedom to own their own “nos” and yeses.”)
If my partner is aroused I feel guilty and like I have to be sexual. (Guess what? You don’t have to manage your partner sexually, nor should you! That’s their job. And, it doesn’t feel good to receive things if your partner feels guilty. Would you want a gift from your partner if they’re giving it to you out of guilt? Kinda ruins the gift. I can help you manage your own feelings and talk openly with your partner about choosing a desire based relationship and moving out of guilt-based relating.)
My partner loses his erection and I don’t feel desirable because of it. (Guess what? Why does the blood flow in your partner’s penis equate to you being a desirable person? Being able to hang onto your own worth is your developmental opportunity. It’s not contingent on his loss of erection, which is generally caused by stress, anxiety and pressure to perform. You don’t have to caretake him. You need to settle yourself down and proceed like the desirable woman you are.)
I want more sex but I don’t want to burden my partner so I don’t bring it up. (Guess what? Avoiding your own desire and naming it as a burden is something to get clear and sorted out about. Your own desire is life-giving to yourself and an intimate relationship. Being a nice guy is anything but nice. It usually creates a lonely and resentment filled marriage around sex.)
If you’re ready to develop into a more mature intimate and sexual partner, reach out now to schedule with Jamie at: Jamie@JamieAbenroth.com
Dr. David Schnarch, a mentor and teacher I hold dear, shared with a group of his students learning his therapeutic approach that the greatest respect you can offer a client is to tell them directly and honestly what you see them doing even if it is difficult for the client. I am guided by this principle: that your time, your resources, and your life are important - and I am going to step in quickly with you to help you face your challenges head on. Collaborative confrontation is kind - it helps you see yourself accurately so you have the choice to do something about it should you decide to make a change for yourself.
Meet Your Therapist
JAMIE ABENROTH, CST, NCC, LPCC
AASECT Certified Sex Therapist
Nationally Certified Counselor board certified by NBCC
She’s trained in The Crucible Approach and Crucible Neurobiological Therapy developed by Dr. David Schnarch and Dr. Ruth Morehouse since 2015.
Masters Degree of Counseling Psychology
Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor - WA, CA, TX, ID, UT, AZ, FL
Jamie meets virtually with couples and individuals in the following states: Washington, California, Florida, Texas, Arizona, Utah and Idaho. If you’d like to see the details of her practice (hours, fees, out of network, online, etc.) check out the Therapy Sessions & Fees tab above. After clicking the tab, scroll down the page and you’ll find important details there. To schedule a session now, click on the Contact tab above.
